Whew! Being transparent about where I am right now in my walk as a Christian makes me feel very vulnerable. As a leader, I want to articulate what is really in my heart, because I believe that I can help someone else overcome similar issues. For quite a while I have been in need of a change. I haven't been happy in a long time with the status of my life, my financial situation, and I miss having a social life (still adapting to new area); honestly, I'm not always happy about where I am concerning ministry. I have been prayerful and hopeful that change would come to my life because quite frankly it is needed...I'm in need of an over-haul, a make-over of the God-kind.
I had lost my passion. I lost passion for the job I was doing and for the company I worked for. So I resigned. I am at the point in my life that whatever I do employment wise or in ministry will be what make me happy and where my passion lies. Time out for working just to get a check. Or doing busy work in the Kingdom just to stay relevant. Concerning the relational and social issues, those things are being worked out slowly but surely, as God is connecting me with some awesome, genuine people in the Kingdom. And financially, God has gifted me with several gifts. So its time to put them to use and make them work for me. One thing I have learned is that if you put no value on your time, talents, and efforts, no one else will give value to them either. Some days, the pains of loneliness sets in, defeat over my current financial status, and just down right depressed over a life and ministry that appears as if it has stalled. And despite my feelings, I keep it moving. Life hasn't stopped, and ministry is still going on. However, there is an inner longing, a deep seeded longing that there is more. The month of September was one of the hardest months I have had in years. It was long, arduous, and I could feel the pangs of transition taking place; which left me feeling discombobulated, off-balance. I sensed God was up to something...but couldn't put my finger on it. Near the end of the month someone reminded me that September being the ninth month was the month of labor, and that a spiritual birthing was taking place. Wow! I thought, that makes sense. One season was ending, and another was about to take place.
One evening as I flipped through the television channels I saw that Bishop T.D. Jakes was on Oprah's Life Class. He was talking about his new book, Instincts. As he was talking, something resonated in my spirit. I was on the right track. I was not off, but moving by instinct. That gut feeling that you get, which is really the Holy Ghost driving you into the direction you should be going. We call it intuition, but its the voice of the Spirit. And let me just say, that it was a strong, loud and clear voice. I thought this season of birthing had to do with ministry, but it is really about me. Its about me shedding off the old and embracing the new. It is about me not being afraid of flying high, flying solo, or of being afraid of success. This new season is the answer to prayers that I have labored in for several months...that I want more of God and that I needed a change to take place in my life. Bishop Jakes used the analogy of a giraffe and a turtle, and how giraffes are meant to be tall. That made me realize I am too TALL to be dealing so low, with turtles. So with that said, I raise my neck today to eat from the tops of the trees and to walk tall not only in this season but,for the rest of my life.
Nothing about me in my new season can change until I make the effort to do so. So I will be walking out 2 Corinthians 5:17- Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.
Shalom!
Pastor Tracy
SELAH means to pause, think about it and give God praise.
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